A piece of me

It's sad and good to say that I always feel things stronger than most.

Okay, correction, I don't always... But, I know within the hour if I really like someone or I really like them as a friend, or when someone looks sad I seem to always want to help and I feel responsible if I can't help, or just living in this world I just feel strongly about what I see, feel, want, and think.

The passion bursts through my veins, and before even thinking twice: thoughts consume my mind and my heart is already stitched. It's who I am and by now I know when my heart yearns for something or when it says simply " try again ". For right now, most of my 'yearnings' are merely for experiencing, discovering, and learning. Although the thoughts are quite captivating and lustful, I do know that my real love is in the future and I must wait.

If I ever see a sad eye, dragging foot, or scars. I take immediate responsibility and feel as though if I don't do something then their sadness is all due because of my laziness and nervousness. Why can't everyone be like this? I think about this daily and wonder why don't we, the humans, take a leap to help others. We are all stuck on this Earth; why not be loving and caring towards each other no matter any condition? Nobody should suffer, and it is the hardest thing to do by yourself. You feel alone, useless, weak, and just a standing block in the way. I would give anything to make sure nobody suffers the way I do.

You could compare the thoughts to a never ending symphony, or even a never ending abstract painting.  The thoughts flow throughout the day and night. They can be beautiful thoughts like: the changing leaves by season, a long warm shower, the smell of bake goods while love ones are about, lover caressing your jawline, or plans/hopes for the future. They can be dreadful like: getting into an accident, losing a close friend, being rejected to favorite school/job, death touching someone dear, or being denied happiness/love. As the symphony raises pitch and joyful thoughts surround it begins to soften and deepen as the thoughts begin darken. Repeat.

If I was a painting I would be every color known to man and God. I would make people laugh, cry, lust, love, yearn, heartache, headache, smile, grin, and cheer.

My thoughts are colorful and vivid with abstract detailing; I will never settle for black and white: it will be the death of me.


~ Alayna